Freewriting, this is the first challenge for the Writing 101 course and although the idea of sitting and writing solidly for 20 minutes excited me I first had a find 20 minutes of free time!! Once I sat down to write I realised that I had hit a mental block and struggled to begin, however I did begin and I continued and below is the result…
This freewriting challenge is designed to open my mind, yet here I sit clutching my pen in front of this sheet of paper and my mind feels completely locked and I seem to have lost the key. This of course is much like my personal life, I’m forever losing my keys!!
Questions begin to buzz about my brain. Why am I here desperately taking part in this challenge? I begin to feel like I’m failing at the first hurdle. I love to write and there are times when the words seem to tumble onto the page effortlessly. I love to talk as well but tell me I have to talk and I freeze, so I guess it’s the same feeling.
When I was a child writing was something I just did, I was forever walking around clutching my pencil and pad scribbling stories and poems. I insisted that every single line on every single page had to be used and filled with words. That much I can remember but I cannot remember exactly what it is that I did write and sadly I no longer have those notebooks. So it may be something I always did as a child but I haven’t always prioritised it as an adult, until recently.
In recent years writing seemed to be pushed behind the other demands life was making on my time. I failed to notice the darkness slowly creeping in around me until it almost consumed me. I felt I had been trapped behind a tall brick wall and my only means of escape was to dig my way out but with no tools to use it was going to be a long and agonising battle. That is until I realised that I still had my imagination to help free me and by forcing the darkness to change shape I would have a better chance at winning.
When someone referred to their own darkness as ‘The Black Dog’ I knew that there was a way through and I wasn’t completely shut out from the world. My imagination didn’t allow the dog to be your standard sized dog unfortunately he was much much larger and regardless of where I was I was always in his shadow. I chose my weapon wisely and clutching my pencil and pad once again I decided to just sit and write my way out, returning to the very thing that bought me so much joy during my childhood years. So I wrote.
I wrote in prose, I wrote in rhyme and I experimented in different forms. I tried to keep my focus on the happier things in life and making the more boring tasks seem witty at times. Some of these have appeared on my blog, others are still a work in progress and some will always remain for my eyes only. However, it opened a door and allowed me to step past the dog and walk on and although he may still be walking behind me I feel he is much smaller and much more manageable than he had been.
So it seems that now my time is almost up as the seconds tick away in front of me. Starting seemed to be the hardest part and trying to stop myself from deleting and rewriting was certainly a challenge. This will certainly be something I will attempt to do on a more regular basis and hopefully will learn to unlock my mind with ease, even if I may not share the results.